Getting out of debt is not all sunshine and flowers. So, if I’m being completely honest, I’m struggling with what I like to call stuffitis.
I look around and see a co-worker’s sharp looking business clothes, a friend’s shiny car, a child at daycare who is perfectly put together, a girl at the doctor’s office whose attire is on trend yet casually chic, a neighbor with a newly landscaped lawn.
I want to appreciate and admire, but I feel self doubt instead.
I can’t appreciate their beauty because it brings out the lack thereof in my own.
My favorite shoes begin to look more worn; my go to work pants, faded; my jeans, too skinny; my sheath dress, dated; my kids, sloppy; my flowerbeds, overgrown.
Yes, I unashamedly like nice things. And I know when we are debt-free, our envelopes for certain budget items will expand. We will have more breathing room to accommodate needs and wants.
But for now, I’m stuck in this awkward state of spending paralysis when I do have money to spend on wants. Am I spending on the right want?
There is this need to spend on the exact perfect item, no matter how trivial its cost, because every extra penny we spend or save is significant to our journey right now. I can’t and won’t just go buy another this or that if the first item I chose doesn’t work out.
Perhaps this is an opportunity to budget in some small rewards when we reach large benchmarks? Or maybe it’s a opportunity to dig into a good Bible study and do some soul searching?
I know it’s best to keep my head looking forward, focused on the goal ahead. But, sometimes y’all, being different is just hard.