Different and Doubt

flowerGetting out of debt is not all sunshine and flowers. So, if I’m being completely honest, I’m struggling with what I like to call stuffitis. 

I look around and see a co-worker’s sharp looking business clothes, a friend’s shiny car, a child at daycare who is perfectly put together, a girl at the doctor’s office whose attire is on trend yet casually chic, a neighbor with a newly landscaped lawn.

I want to appreciate and admire, but I feel self doubt instead.

I can’t appreciate their beauty because it brings out the lack thereof in my own.

My favorite shoes begin to look more worn; my go to work pants, faded; my jeans, too skinny; my sheath dress, dated; my kids, sloppy; my flowerbeds, overgrown.

Yes, I unashamedly like nice things. And I know when we are debt-free, our envelopes for certain budget items will expand. We will have more breathing room to accommodate needs and wants.

But for now, I’m stuck in this awkward state of spending paralysis when I do have money to spend on wants. Am I spending on the right want?

There is this need to spend on the exact perfect item, no matter how trivial its cost, because every extra penny we spend or save is significant to our journey right now. I can’t and won’t just go buy another this or that if the first item I chose doesn’t work out.

Perhaps this is an opportunity to budget in some small rewards when we reach large benchmarks? Or maybe it’s a opportunity to dig into a good Bible study and do some soul searching?

I know it’s best to keep my head looking forward, focused on the goal ahead. But, sometimes y’all, being different is just hard.


6 thoughts on “Different and Doubt

  1. The way I handle this is thinking about how proud I am of us to be willing to live without instead of (cue Eeyore voice) feeling poor and unable to do anything or buy anything. I love when I see someone have something new and shiny and I can smile in the secret knowledge that, while yes our snowball is plenty to buy that item and more, we chose not to. I also wonder if they paid cash for the item or will be making payments for the next few years. If that doesn’t work I hit the Bible for some in your face Proverbs calling me out for wanting to, intentionally, be a fool!


      • I find Proverbs and James are both great for many occasions, especially if I’m feel not so positive toward another a person 🙂 It’s a nice slap in the face and I seem to need that, a lot! Keep on going, you’ll be living like no one else in no time!!

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you! I really appreciate your encouragement. PS- I’m looking forward to reading your latest post on minimalist toys. We do ongoing weeding out at our house, so I’m excited to see your tips. 🙂


  2. I totally feel you! I had a recent experience when I realized the cheap kids shoes I was buying on consignment just aren’t holding up, and I was embarrassed for my son that he had to wear shoes with holes in them. I made a resolution to find money in the budget to get him some real shoes for the fall, that would last, and I’ll be darned if the very next day his aunt didn’t take him shoe shopping and buy him two pairs of brand-name shoes for school! She had no idea of my inner feelings about it, and indeed she almost felt she was over-stepping her bounds, but she wanted to do something kind for her nephews whom she rarely sees, and she has no children of her own to lavish such gifts upon. I was truly touched at how God responds when he hears our hearts groan, even for something as trivial as shoes. God sees our sacrifices, and He rewards them in due time! And, I vowed to myself to never let his shoes get so worn down, the poor kid said, “Now I can run fast like the other boys! I couldn’t run in my old shoes because they were too slippery (no treads), but now I can! I LOVE my new shoes!” Y’all we are NOT poor, I just got overzealous about our savings goals and neglected to see some real needs I should be meeting. Poor kid! But, I noticed that when she was shopping with him, she tried to buy him two pairs of pajamas and he said over and over, “no, one is enough! I love these!” And when she told me that, I realized that my kids are growing up knowing how to appreciate the few things they have, and even though he’s only 4 he has a concept of excess and moderation. So, our ways are working! You are doing the right thing for your family! Kiddos soak up waaaaaayyy more from our actions than our words!

    Liked by 1 person

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